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813 lines
27 KiB
813 lines
27 KiB
//
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// AN EXERCISE IN BAD DIALPLAN DESIGN
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// (What better testing ground than on telemarketers?)
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//
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// BAD DESIGN: long, boring introductions followed by long, drawn out menus of choices.
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// if they survive to the last option, how will they remember the choices?
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//
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// BAD DESIGN: Amateur Recording. Poor voice quality, too quiet.
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// Also, the announcer is definitely not vocally gifted.
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// Also, the long pauses and clicks between the intro
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// and menu choices might lead some to think that
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// the announcements are over, and hang up. Too bad!
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// WORSE DESIGN: Instead of using the Background application, the Playback
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// application is used. After taking so much time and trouble
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// to record this material, the caller must listen and enjoy
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// every syllable before they can make an option choice. None
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// of that interrupting with a choice. We want them to savour
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// every word!
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// GOOD/BAD, ER INSIDIOUS -- DANGLE A CARROT-- GIVE THE LISTENER A GOOD REASON TO
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// HANG ON AND VOLUNTARILY LISTEN TO THE TORTURE.
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// BUT, DON'T MAKE PROMISES YOU WON'T KEEP!
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context telemarket {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemarketer-intro); // ; Script:
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// Due to the extremely high volume of calls from everything from telemarketers
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// to Septic System Bacteria vendors, we are asking all such organizations
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// to remove this number from their call list, or as need be, to add this
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// number to their No-Call list, whichever is relevent.
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// [THE CARROT:]
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// We HAVE made some exceptions, and if you wish to see if your organization
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// has been exempted, please listen to and follow the following prompts.
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//
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// Otherwise, please Cease calling this number!
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//
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Playback(telemarketer-choices);
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// if you represent a charitable organization, please dial 1,
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// if you represent a political organization, please dial 2.
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// if you represent a polling company, please dial 3,
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// if you represent a market research organization, please dial 4.
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// if you represent a magazine or newsletter, please dial 5.
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// if you represent a commercial organization, please dial 6.
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}
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1 => goto telemarket-charity|s|begin;
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2 => goto telemarket-political|s|begin;
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3 => goto telemarket-pollster|s|begin;
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4 => goto telemarket-research|s|begin;
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5 => goto telemarket-magazine|s|begin;
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6 => goto telemarket-commercial|s|begin;
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7 => goto telemarket-other|s|begin;
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t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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}
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context telemarket-charity {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemark-charity-intro);
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// We have contributed generously to many worthy causes in the past, and will
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// continue to do so in the future. But we suspect that such organizations
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// have sold our name and phone number to each other until we are now hounded
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// day and night by literally hundreds of such organizations.
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// Enough is Enough!
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//
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// If we have contributed to your cause in the past, we may, perhaps, be disposed to
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// do so in the future, at our option,
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// we give no pledges nor make any commitments here.
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// Send us material via the post if you feel this necessary
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// but do not even consider email. Any email or further phone calls from your organization
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// in the future, will be considered an act of aggression, and we will
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// blacklist your organization for the rest of our natural lives.
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//
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// To see if your organization is exempt from these prohibitions, please
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// comply with the following options.
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Playback(telemark-charity-choices);
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// If your organization is disease or genetic defect related, dial 1,
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// If your organization is handicap related, dial 2.
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// If your organization is a police or fireman or other similar support entity, please dial 3.
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// If your organization is a grade school to high school related
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// fund raiser or other type of activity, please dial 4.
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// If your organization is a college or university or alumnis organization, please dial 5.
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// If your organization is animal rights or ecology related organization, please dial 6.
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// If your organization is a political action or candidate support related, please dial 7.
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// If your organization is a substance abuse related organization or cause, please dial 8.
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// And any other charity or tax exempt organization should dial 9.
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}
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1 => goto telemarket-char-disease|s|begin;
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2 => goto telemarket-char-handicap|s|begin;
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3 => goto telemarket-char-police|s|begin;
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4 => goto telemarket-char-school|s|begin;
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5 => goto telemarket-char-college|s|begin;
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6 => goto telemarket-char-animal|s|begin;
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7 => goto telemarket-char-candidate|s|begin;
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8 => goto telemarket-char-abuse|s|begin;
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9 => goto telemarket-char-other|s|begin;
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// BAD DESIGN: referring all timeouts,invalid choices, etc, back to the root of the menu tree will frustrate users no end!
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// WORSE DESIGN: How about having the user have to push a button to repeat the current menu? When a time out could just
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// automatically do it for the user?
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t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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}
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context telemarket-char-disease {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-char-handicap {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-char-police {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-char-school {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-char-college {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-char-animal {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-char-candidate {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-char-abuse {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-char-other {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-sorry {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemarket-sorry);
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// Sorry -- your organization is not exempt. Please stop calling us.
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// Thank you. goodbye.
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Hangup();
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}
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}
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// BAD DESIGN: Hanging up on your audience, no matter what the outcome, is not a nice thing to do!
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context telemarket-exception {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemarket-success);
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// Congratulations. Your organization IS exempt. Please call us back,
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// but this time, just act like a normal caller. Thank you. Goodbye.
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Hangup();
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}
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}
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// BAD DESIGN: Making long cascading menu choices is a nasty thing to do to callers!
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// BAD DESIGN: Putting the most frequently encountered items at the end of a list is also a nasty thing to do!
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// GOOD DESIGN: All rejection notices use a single context. All Acceptance also. To change a rejection to an
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// acceptance, just change the reference from telemarket-sorry to telemarket-exception
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context telemarket-political {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemark-polit-intro);
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// To see if your organization is exempt from our prohibitions,
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// please follow the following prompts.
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// please note that they are not in alphabetical order, and you will have to
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// give them your full attention.
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Playback(telemark-polit-choices);
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// if You represent the America First Party, dial 1.
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// if You represent the American Party, dial 2.
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// if You represent the American Heritage Party, dial 3.
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// if You represent the American Independent Party, dial 4.
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// if You represent the American Nazi Party, dial 5.
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// if You represent the Pot Party, dial 6.
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// if You represent the American Reform Party, dial 7.
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// if You represent the Christian Falenqist Party of America, dial 8.
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// all others, please dial 9.
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}
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1 => goto telemarket-poli-Am1st|s|begin;
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2 => goto telemarket-poli-American|s|begin;
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3 => goto telemarket-poli-AmHer|s|begin;
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4 => goto telemarket-poli-AmInd|s|begin;
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5 => goto telemarket-poli-AmNaz|s|begin;
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6 => goto telemarket-poli-Pot|s|begin;
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7 => goto telemarket-poli-AmRef|s|begin;
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8 => goto telemarket-poli-CFP|s|begin;
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9 => goto telemarket-political2|s|begin;
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t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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}
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context telemarket-political2 {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemark-politx-intro);
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// Thank you for your patience, and I congratulate you for your persistence.
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// Just a few more options!
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//
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Playback(telemark-polit2-choices);
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// if You represent the Communist Party USA, dial 1.
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// if You represent the Constitution Party, dial 2.
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// if You represent the Family Values Party, dial 3.
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// if You represent the Freedom Socialist Party, dial 4.
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// if You represent the Grass Roots Party, dial 5.
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// if You represent the Green Party, dial 6.
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// if You represent the Greens Party, dial 7.
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// if You represent the Independence Party, dial 8.
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// all others, goto 9.
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}
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1 => goto telemarket-poli-Communist|s|begin;
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2 => goto telemarket-poli-Constit|s|begin;
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3 => goto telemarket-poli-FamVal|s|begin;
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4 => goto telemarket-poli-FreedSoc|s|begin;
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5 => goto telemarket-poli-Grassroot|s|begin;
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6 => goto telemarket-poli-Green|s|begin;
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7 => goto telemarket-poli-Greens|s|begin;
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8 => goto telemarket-poli-Independence|s|begin;
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9 => goto telemarket-political3|s|begin;
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t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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}
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context telemarket-political3 {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemark-politx-intro);
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Playback(telemark-polit3-choices);
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// if You represent the Independent American Party, dial 1.
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// if You represent the Labor Party, dial 2.
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// if You represent the Libertarian Party, dial 3.
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// if You represent the Light Party, dial 4.
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// if You represent the Natural Law Party, dial 5.
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// if You represent the New Party, dial 6.
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// if You represent the New Union Party, dial 7.
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// if You represent the Peace and Freedom Party, dial 8.
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// all others, hang on, dial 9.
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}
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1 => goto telemarket-poli-IndAm|s|begin;
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2 => goto telemarket-poli-Labor|s|begin;
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3 => goto telemarket-poli-Liber|s|begin;
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4 => goto telemarket-poli-Light|s|begin;
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5 => goto telemarket-poli-NatLaw|s|begin;
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6 => goto telemarket-poli-New|s|begin;
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7 => goto telemarket-poli-NewUn|s|begin;
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8 => goto telemarket-poli-PeaceFree|s|begin;
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9 => goto telemarket-political4|s|begin;
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t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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}
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context telemarket-political4 {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemark-politx-intro);
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Playback(telemark-polit4-choices);
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// if You represent the Prohibition Party, dial 1.
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// if You represent the Reform Party, dial 2.
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// if You represent the Revolution , dial 3.
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// if You represent the Socialist Party USA, dial 4.
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// if You represent the Socialist Action Party, dial 5.
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// if You represent the Socialist Equality Party, dial 6.
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// if You represent the Socialist Labor Party, dial 7.
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// if You represent the Socialist Workers Party, dial 8.
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// all others, hang on, and dial 9.
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}
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1 => goto telemarket-poli-Prohib|s|begin;
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2 => goto telemarket-poli-Ref|s|begin;
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3 => goto telemarket-poli-Revol|s|begin;
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4 => goto telemarket-poli-SocPart|s|begin;
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5 => goto telemarket-poli-SocAct|s|begin;
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6 => goto telemarket-poli-SocEq|s|begin;
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7 => goto telemarket-poli-SocLab|s|begin;
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8 => goto telemarket-poli-SocWork|s|begin;
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9 => goto telemarket-political5|s|begin;
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t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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}
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context telemarket-political5 {
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s => {
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begin:
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Playback(telemark-politx-intro);
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Playback(telemark-polit5-choices);
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// if You represent the Southern Party, dial 1.
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// if You represent the Southern Independence Party, dial 2.
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// if You represent the US Pacifist Party, dial 3.
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// if You represent the We the People Party, dial 4.
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// if You represent the Workers World Party, dial 5.
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// if You represent the Democratic Party, dial 6.
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// if You represent the Republican Party, dial 7.
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// all others, may dial 8.
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}
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1 => goto telemarket-poli-South|s|begin;
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2 => goto telemarket-poli-SoInd|s|begin;
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3 => goto telemarket-poli-USPac|s|begin;
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4 => goto telemarket-poli-WTP|s|begin;
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5 => goto telemarket-poli-WWP|s|begin;
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6 => goto telemarket-poli-Democrat|s|begin;
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7 => goto telemarket-poli-Repub|s|begin;
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8 => goto telemarket-poli-other|s|begin;
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t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
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}
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context telemarket-poli-other {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-Repub {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-Democrat {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-WWP {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-WTP {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-USPac {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-SoInd {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-South {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-SocWork {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-SocLab {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-SocEq {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-SocAct {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-SocPart {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-Revol {
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-Ref {
|
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-Prohib {
|
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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|
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context telemarket-poli-PeaceFree {
|
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s => {
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begin:
|
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
|
|
|
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context telemarket-poli-NewUn {
|
|
s => {
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begin:
|
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
|
|
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context telemarket-poli-New {
|
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
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context telemarket-poli-NatLaw {
|
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s => {
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begin:
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
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}
|
|
|
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context telemarket-poli-Light {
|
|
s => {
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begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Liber {
|
|
s => {
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begin:
|
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Labor {
|
|
s => {
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begin:
|
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
|
|
}
|
|
|
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context telemarket-poli-IndAm {
|
|
s => {
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begin:
|
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Independence {
|
|
s => {
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begin:
|
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goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
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}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Greens {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Green {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Grassroot {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-FreedSoc {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-FamVal {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Constit {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Communist {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-CFP {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-AmRef {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
// BAD DESIGN: Putting in infinite loops in the menus, whether by design or mistake is not nice!
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Pot {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-political|s|begin; // will the Pot Party Guys even notice an infinite loop?
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-AmNaz {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-AmInd {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-AmHer {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-American {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-poli-Am1st {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-pollster {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-poll-intro);
|
|
// I'm sorry-- We are just not available for doing any polling at the moment. So,
|
|
// please remove us from your list.
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-research {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-research-intro);
|
|
// I'd like to say I'd love to help you with your market survey, but that would be a complete
|
|
// and total lie. I am not interested in helping you with Market Surveys.
|
|
//
|
|
// Please remove me from your call list. It just doesn't pay enough. But Thank you.
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-magazine {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-mag-choices);
|
|
// If you are calling to see if I would like a NEW free subscription
|
|
// to your magazine or newsletter, please dial 1.
|
|
// If you are calling to see if I want to Renew an existing subscription, please dial 2.
|
|
// If you are representing some publisher, and want my opinion about something, or are doing
|
|
// some kind of survey, please dial 3.
|
|
// If you are calling to verify that some previous caller actually called me, and the
|
|
// verification information is correct, please dial 4.
|
|
// and if your call purpose doesn't match any of the above, please dial 5.
|
|
}
|
|
1 => goto telemark-mag-new|s|begin;
|
|
2 => goto telemark-mag-renew|s|begin;
|
|
3 => goto telemark-mag-survey|s|begin;
|
|
4 => goto telemark-mag-verify|s|begin;
|
|
5 => goto telemark-mag-other|s|begin;
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemark-mag-new {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-mag-new);
|
|
// I'm sorry, I'm maxed out, and the answer is NO.
|
|
// If you really think I'd LOVE to add your publication to the pile I already get,
|
|
// Send something via the post. Don't call me.
|
|
// Thank you. bye.
|
|
Hangup();
|
|
}
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemark-mag-renew {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-mag-renew);
|
|
// So, you want to see if I want to Renew, do you? The answer is most likely "YES".
|
|
//
|
|
// But, I will not answer a long list of questions over the phone. Send such
|
|
// categorization info via the post, and stop bothering me over the phone,
|
|
// if this is what you want.
|
|
// Do you need verification information? Normally I opt out of such nonsense, if possible.
|
|
// If not, use whatever of the following you can:
|
|
// My birth month is October.
|
|
// My birthplace is Kigali, in Rwanda, in Africa.
|
|
// My eye color is orange.
|
|
// All of these are wonderfully false, but I use them regularly for such purposes. Thank you.
|
|
Hangup();
|
|
}
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemark-mag-survey {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-mag-survey);
|
|
// Sorry, I don't have time to answer survey or opinion questions. Find someone
|
|
// else to help build your marketing database, I guess. Good Luck.
|
|
Hangup();
|
|
}
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemark-mag-verify {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-mag-verify);
|
|
// If you are calling to verify that your own agents aren't ripping you off,
|
|
// sorry, I can't help you. I opt out whenever I can, mainly because I'm not
|
|
// paid enough for this kind of thing. I always lie, and I can't remember
|
|
// what I might have said. Sorry. Goodbye.
|
|
Hangup();
|
|
}
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemark-mag-other {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
// BAD DESIGN: Is it entrapment, when you lure telemarketers to reveal their contact information,
|
|
// Just so you can report them to the FTC/FCC? If it is, isn't it unethical for them
|
|
// to hide their CID (via Anonymous, usually), to hide their identities from the public?
|
|
|
|
// BTW -- What telemarketer would be stupid enough to fall for this? I'll bet not a single one!
|
|
// For that matter, what telemarketer will be stupid enough to even enter any of this? I'll bet not a single one!
|
|
// (but it was fun messing around).
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-commercial {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-comm-intro); // Script: Please leave your name, organization, and phone number, plus
|
|
// a short description of the purpose of your call, at the prompt.
|
|
// We will do our best to respond to your call! And, in the mean time,
|
|
// do not forget to add us to your no-call list!
|
|
Voicemail(u82);
|
|
goto telemarket-sorry|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|
|
|
|
|
|
context telemarket-other {
|
|
s => {
|
|
begin:
|
|
Playback(telemark-other-intro);
|
|
// Please review the previous menu options, and see if you really don't
|
|
// fit in one of the previous categories.
|
|
// If you do not, go ahead, and call me again, and let me know what category
|
|
// I should have included in the above list. I appreciate this. Thank you much!
|
|
Hangup();
|
|
}
|
|
t => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
i => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
o => goto telemarket|s|begin;
|
|
}
|